A lot of companies right now put forth the idea that as employees we are all one big happy family. They even have nicknames for employees to help create that sense of community. I’ve heard Salesforce employees are “Trailblazers” and Google employees are “Googlers” whilst Amazon employees are “Amazonians”. If you work at any of these (or have any others to add) let us know if they are real in the comments. Regardless, this family culture is damaging and dangerous and we should not wholly buy into it. Here are 3 Reasons Why ‘We Are Family’ Company Culture is toxic.
- False sense of security
- False sense of belonging
- Sets unrealistic expectations
False Sense Of Security
Although all families are not the same, typically the family unit provides stability and support. We can rely on our family in good times and bad. We know that our family wants what is best for US. The love and support of family is unconditional.
These things are simply not true of a business. And they shouldn’t be. We are hired to do a job. If we do not fulfil that need, we will be replaced. Or worse still if a business no longer requires our skills (through no fault of our own) we will be let go. That is business, that is life.
The problem is when a company uses the ‘family’ narrative when it suits them, to harbour loyalty and commitment from employees. And then abandons it when they need to make hard business decisions. This creates a false sense of security which can leave employees feeling hurt and betrayed if things go wrong.
False Sense Of Belonging
A sense of community at work is important. The desire to be we part of something is human nature. However companies with the ‘We Are Family’ culture take this too far and create a false sense of security for their employees.
The family narrative, makes us feel as though we are part of something, as though we belong. However we only belong as long as the company serves us and more importantly, we serve the company. Employees, especially the more young and impressionable, may fall into the trap of attaching their identity to their company and their role. This is further compounded when our social circles revolve around work too.
This can make it difficult to leave as we feel loyal and attached. And perhaps that is the goal, to keep great employees. However the real problem is when the company decides they no longer need you and you are forced out. It is one thing to lose a job however to feel you have lost your identity is another crisis altogether. This is why creating a false sense of belonging is irresponsible and downright toxic.
Sets Unrealistic Expectations
In the toxic family narrative, when everything is good, we are treated with warmth, admiration and love. When things are bad, everything feels cold, distant and impersonal. The family narrative therefore sets unrealistic expectations for employees, making the negatives feel extremely personal. And that creates real personal hurt.
In good times, employees are encouraged to be themselves, show emotion and vlunerability. However, in the hard times, there is no room for that. It is all about metrics, targets and deadlines. The good time approach sets the unrealistic expectation that you can count on the same safe space in hard times.
And when it doesn’t happen, employees can feel real and valid emotions that go far beyond a job and a pay cheque. Trust is broken. People feel betrayed. And this is much harder to recover from than an honest conversation that times are tough and the business needs to change to survive. Business is business. It is not personal however the ‘we are family’ company culture suggests otherwise, and it can be very toxic as a result.
How To Avoid This Trap
There are of course merits to a strong and welcoming company culture. And as employees, we have the opportunity to embrace the positive aspects without being sucked in so far as to feel extreme hurt and betrayal if things go wrong.
We can avoid unnecessary hurt and stress by simply always remembering that businesses exist to make money. First and foremost. And everything else they do, is in some form or other designed to help them to do just that. We are cogs in a much bigger wheel as employees. Never forget that work is just work. And life is much more important.
I hate to be the one to tell you but you are not as important as they make you feel. However you are also not as worthless as they might make you feel if they let you go. Instead of going to either extreme, aim to live somewhere in the middle. Recognise that you bring value but that if required, you will be replaced. And don’t attach your self worth to either. Make sure that you have other things in your life that make up your identity so that if this goes away, you have another outlet.
If you have ever fallen victim to this toxic family culture, share your story in the comments. We’d love to hear from you.