Dating In Your 30s: I Can’t Find A Good Man! What Is Wrong With Me?

Ever felt like you can’t find a good man and wondered if something’s wrong with you?

Guess what? You’re not alone in feeling this way. Dating in your 30s isn’t always as smooth as those rom-coms make it seem.

And here’s the deal: There’s nothing wrong with you.

In this article, we’ll explore dating in your 30s, talk about what to look out for, and some tips to help you enjoy the journey. Let’s dive in!

Dating Has Changed And So Have You

The world of dating is constantly changing. And if you find yourself single in your 30s after being in a medium to long term relationship, it is hard to keep up. SO much has changed, even in the last 5 years. But don’t worry, we’ve got you!

Firstly, you may be thinking “Is it normal to be single in your 30s?” And as you’ll see from that article, for many reasons, it is normal. So don’t worry about that. There is nothing wrong with you.

But beyond those normal fears about being in the dating world, your 30s are very different to your 20s. You are different. And that is okay, in fact it is a good thing.

We are finally starting to accept who we are and we are learning to embrace our own little quirks. This is fantastic. But it can also make dating more challenging. Because we are no longer willing to accept anything less than what we deserve.

Once we recognise this, we can celebrate it and embrace it. But it does mean we are not looking for the same traits in a guy that impressed us when we were 22. Figuring out what you actually want in a guy is the first step to finding a good man.

What Do You Want?

Before you start dating in your 30s, take a moment to reflect on your desires. If you haven’t already done this, it could explain why you can’t seem to find a good man!

Define what you want in a relationship.

Is it companionship, long-term commitment, or something else? Knowing what you want helps guide your dating journey.

Pinpoint your deal breakers and non-negotiables in a partner.

Recognising what matters most to you ensures better partner selection.

Reflect on past relationships

Learn from both successes and mistakes. This self-awareness can lead to personal growth.

Always remember while having preferences is important, remain open to meeting people who challenge your assumptions. There are lots of good men but there is no such thing as the perfect guy so although it is good to know what you want, keeping an open mind is crucial.

By getting clear in your own mind, what you want and what your deal breakers are, you are less likely to waste your time and energy on guys who are just not what you are looking for.

Are You Compatible?

Although the definition of a good man is different for every woman, one thing that is always important is compatibility. The next step to finding a good guy is figuring out if you are compatible.

It is the foundation of a strong relationship, especially in your 30s because we no longer have the time or patience for silly games. Here are 5 things to consider:

1. Shared Values and Goals:

Being on the same page about what matters most—like family, career, and personal values—helps build a lasting bond.

Being mindful of this as you get to know someone can help you figure out early whether or not you do have shared values and goals.

In my early 20s, I dated a guy, who was interesting and fun to be around. However, we did not share any values or goals. Being in my early 20s and not looking for anything serious, I didn’t really care.

I knew we could have fun and it would fizzle out in it’s own time. And it did. However, now in my 30s, I wouldn’t invest any time or effort in someone who’s values don’t align to mine. It all depends on your stage of life.

2. Communication Styles:

Understanding how each other talks and listens makes conversations smoother and more enjoyable. This will become clear almost instantly but especially when a disagreement arises.

Being able to solve problems together helps you grow as a couple. Are you able to communicate effectively with each other when times are tough?

Communication is almost always the thing that makes or breaks a relationship. If people can figure out how to communicate, they can get through anything.

3. Emotional Connection:

Feeling close and supporting each other emotionally during good times and bad strengthens your relationship. Early on in dating you will get a sense of this, pay close attention.

You can learn a lot by observing how someone treats you when you tell them good or bad news. Look out for someone who celebrates and supports you, putting you first.

My cousin Kelly, in her 30s was dating a guy who seemed great, until her Grandmother died. He did not offer any emotional support at all and complained that she was not spending as much time with him. She was grieving with her family.

It told her everything she needed to know about him.

4. Lifestyle Compatibility:

Similar daily routines and financial attitudes make life together easier. To an extent, similar hobbies and interests can help but are not essential.

For example if you both like to get up early and hit the gym, this will make for a smooth transition. But doesn’t have to be a deal breaker

My Aunt and Uncle have been together for over 30 years. He loves to go out, socialise and dance. She could think of nothing worse. She likes to stay home, read and be in her own company.

But guess what? They make it work. She has her alone time while he socialises. It’s about figuring out what works for you!

5. Long-Term Vision:

In our 30s, having similar plans for the future is especially important. You aren’t kids anymore, and it is likely that you know the direction you want to go in.

My friend Rachel and her boyfriend, David had been dating for 5 years. They realised about 2 years in that they did not share the same vision for children. He wanted them, she didn’t. The resolution?

They ignored the problem, both hoping the other would change their mind. And the result was a very emotional breakup in their early 30s that could have happened sooner and with less pain.

Making sure that this conversation happens early, even in a playful way, ensures you are both moving in the right direction. And saves a lot of heartache down the road.

In your 30s, compatibility is key for a successful, satisfying relationship. It’s the magic that makes your connection work and grow.

Enjoy The Journey

Dating in your 30s is a remarkable journey worth celebrating. So we can’t forget to enjoy the journey which in itself, increases our chances of finding a good man. Embrace your growing self-awareness and confidence. Have fun!

Every date and relationship teaches valuable lessons. Celebrate the wisdom you gain from each experience.

Dating in your 30s also builds resilience and emotional maturity, helping you bounce back from challenges.

You’ll have the opportunity to meet diverse people and expand your social circle. Embrace it as it will enrich your life.

Through it all, don’t forget to prioritise self-love and self-care, reinforcing that you are lovable and complete as you are.

The Bottom Line

Being single in your 30s offers freedom to explore, focus on your goals, and cherish independence. Live in the moment and make the most of every opportunity you have.

Celebrate the adventure, growth, and self-discovery that dating brings, whether it leads to a lifelong partner or simply helps you become your best self.

And remember you will either find a good man or you will have a great story to tell. Some of the funniest stories I’ve heard from friends and family are failed dating stories.

If you have any dating stories that will inspire your fellow readers, or just make them laugh, please share them in the comments!