Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit in? Even your own family don’t understand you and you’re not sure how to explain yourself because they won’t get it. When questioned about life choices, do you get defensive and become distant? And eventually you become exhausted from trying to explain your way of life. But why should you have to explain yourself? It’s your life.
Feeling like The Black Sheep of the family is hard and I would know, I’ve been there. Your family should be the most accepting people and provide a safe space for you to be yourself. I spent many years trying to fit in with my family’s expectations of me, but that’s even harder than being myself and not understood. Eventually I had to accept, my family don’t understand me.
Being 'The Black Sheep' Can Feel Pretty Lonely
Sadly, I have some regrets about my life choices when I was growing up. I based decisions on my parents approval, and although I don’t hold it against them now, as their concerns and guidance came from a place of love, I definitely would have chosen different paths in life. Should we do what our parents want? Or should we live our life how we want and be happy? It can be a hard balancing act, especially when parents disapprove of our choices.
It’s even harder when my siblings live their life the way my parents would want them to. They own their own houses, have stable relationships, marriage, children and businesses. Every parents dream. But it does make me feel like the odd one out of the family, aka, The Black Sheep.
I, on the other hand, have decided to work freelance meaning my career is unstable, I have no fixed address and rarely live in the same country as them. Kids? Nope! That’s not for me, thanks. As you can see, my life choices stand out like a sore thumb in comparison to my siblings.
Even growing up I was always deemed the ‘rebel’ of the family. Just because I wanted to go out, party, drink, get the odd piercing and tattoo, hook up with boys, holiday with friends. Y’know, all NORMAL teenage/young adult stuff. My siblings were shy, ‘sensible’, and home birds. I felt constantly compared to my siblings and like I couldn’t do right or be myself. Despite all this I do still have a good relationship with my brother and sister.
I know I am not the only one feeling like this; a quick google search shows there are plenty of people questioning why they are the black sheep of the family, what it means and how to identify if they are. Having been through it and come out of the other side, albeit still feeling like an oddball. I’m happier, more content and a smidgen more understood. That is the goal to strive for if you don’t fit in with your family and here’s how:
1. Accept You Can't Please Everyone
Nor should you try to. I never thought I would say this but I am going to use an Ed Sheeran quote; “I can’t tell you the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone”. The quicker you realise that trying to please everyone is a game you will always lose at, the better. It took me until my 30s to grasp this!
Even if you did exactly what your parents asked you to, there will be other people in your life expecting something different. Your partner, your boss, your friends, society. I talk about this a lot in my post; How To Fail Your 30s And Still Be Happy.
2. Everyone Has Their Own Quirky-ness
It won’t always make sense to you why people do certain things or act in a certain way, but who are we to judge? That is how the whole ‘Black Sheep’ thing started in the first place; other people making you feel like you’re not living life the right way. We need to allow people the space to feel comfortable being themselves, the same as what we expect from others. If everyone can get on the bandwagon of not being judgemental and letting people be who they are, the world will be in a much better place. And that starts with you too.
You shouldn’t worry about what anyone else is doing and just focus on yourself. Hopefully this can rub off on other people and we all start feeling a little less judged.
3. You're The Only Person That Has To Live Your Life
Realise this and then do what makes you happy. As long as you are not harming anyone else. The sooner you realise that no one actually actually gives a f*ck about you or what you’re doing, the better and you can carry on being you!
4. Be An Adult
This took me a long time to grasp and I know that sounds crazy. Obviously I knew I was literally of adult age, but I never felt like I could make big adult decisions without discussing with my parents first… yep it took me until 30s!
Going travelling was the first time I told them; ‘This is what I am doing.‘ Instead of asking them if I should do it. I’m not going to lie, it was hard and felt uncomfortable because I knew they wouldn’t approve, but I needed to push myself and I’ve grown as a person because of it.
Part of being an adult is owning your decisions, if you have made a choice and it doesn’t go to plan, you have to figure out how to fix it. That shows growth, courage and ownership of who you are and people will be more accepting of you.
5. Social Media Has A Lot To Answer For
‘Why did I only get 10 likes on this picture?’
‘I wish my body looked like that.’
They have it all, how can I make my life as good as theirs?’
You can never live up to the expectations of Social Media, and you should never try. A lot of people know there is an ‘Instagram vs Reality’, but for some reason we still buy into it. You cannot compare yourself to anyone, especially an ‘influencer’, they are who they are on social media because it’s their job. For me, Deleting Social Media Saved My Mental Health, you might want to consider this too. If you are looking for an alternative to Social Media and some feel good vibes, give Positive.News a try!
6. Lower Your Expectations
You can’t expect everyone to understand or agree with your life choices all the time. If you want to elope with someone you met 3 months ago because you’re sure they are the one, you can. It probably won’t be well received and don’t expect a ‘Congratulations’ card from everyone. But if you are confident in your choices, it won’t matter what anyone else says or think. Get yourself into this mindset of not seeking approval or trying to meet other’s expectations, including your families.
To wrap this post up, ultimately you need to be yourself and own who you are! Are you really going to get to 80 years old having lived your life attempting to please others and trying to fit in? Or are you going to live how you want to and feel free and happy? At the end of the day, we are all a version of ‘The Black Sheep’ in one way or another and it’s time we became more accepting of ourselves and others and embraced it!
Amber x
P.s if you liked this article, you may also like our post; How To Change Your Life In Your 30s.
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