Let’s talk about how to be more fulfilled and less stressed. “Give it your all! More is better. Go the extra mile. Give 100% and more to everything you do”. I can’t speak for everyone but from my perspective we live in a society that promotes more more more. Do more, be more, have more. That is what leads to fulfilment and happiness, right? We also live in a society where burnout, quiet quitting and stress leave are increasingly common. Could there be a correlation?
I’ve always been an ambitious person, driven by success and a pursuit of happiness. I know we have to work hard to get ahead. Therefore, I am driven to always do just a little bit more. Always striving for more and giving 100%. And that has meant that I have given my all to my work. After all if we work hard and build a successful career, we will have a happy and fulfilled life, right?
Recently I’ve realised that is a completely flawed theory. We should not be giving 100% to our careers. We only have 100% total for our lives. If we give 100% to work, we have 0% left for anything else. So here is why I am now giving 70% to work and I am more fulfilled, more successful and less stressed than ever.
I Do Better Work
By not working myself to my absolute limit, I have found that the quality of work I do has improved. It is clear that I have the time and brain space to fully commit to the projects I am working on. I can ensure all of the finer details are tended to and in every aspect of life, the devil is in the detail. This allows me to contribute more to my team and my employer. And strangely enough, the amount of work I do has not decreased.
More Energy For Life
We all have the capacity to give 100% to our entire life. Since realising that work is only part of that and allocating 70% of my energy to work, I have more energy for the other parts. It is easier to find time, energy and motivation to exercise. I have the energy for social engagements at the weekend therefore I look forward to them rather than dread them. Staying awake past 8pm on a Friday night is easy. I have the energy to enjoy my full life, not to simply endure it. Ironically, that gives me energy to do my best work at work.
I Feel More Fulfilled & Motivated
Even as someone who really enjoys the work that I do, I think it is important to remember that we work to live, not the other way around. Although I want to be as successful as I can in work and life, slowing down a little and taking some time back has allowed me to feel more motivated and fulfilled overall. This means I am able to do better work, which makes me feel proud and motivates me to continue delivering quality results.
I have the energy to enjoy other aspects of my life and I feel as though I have a handle on things. I am running my life rather than being dragged along by it. This has been incredibly empowering for me and has really allowed me to feel at peace with my life on a day to day and week to week basis. This is more important than any work success or financial reward for me.
Be Aware Of The Warning Signs
I am not saying we will never need to give 100% at work in any given week. In reality sometimes, there are projects or important deadlines. During those times we do need to be able to show up for our team. And that is okay. The goal for me is that that is the exception and not the rule. We cannot be constantly running on empty but we can endure it from time to time. When I do that over a prolonged period of time though, I start to feel the negatives;
Stress
I am generally not someone who feels stress much however over prolonged periods of constantly pushing my limits, I start to feel a weight on my shoulders. Even if everything is under control, I am second guessing, overthinking and double checking. It is impossible to relax, switch off and live stress free. We all know the mental and physical implications of being stressed so it’s important to reduce that when we feel it.
Lack Of Focus
In the pursuit for success, I have been guilty of over committing to things and people at work. Maybe this is also partly to do with having difficultly saying no. However we must remember that we are not helping anyone if we do this. When I over commit i.e. take on too much at once, I cannot focus fully therefore I cannot do any of the tasks to my full ability.
If I am trying to work on project A I am worrying about how project B is progressing. Or I need to jump to put out a fire on project C and in that time, Project A is suffering. I’ve found the best thing I can do for everyone around me is to take on an appropriate amount. Focus on it and do it to the best of my ability.
Enduring Instead of Embracing Life
All of this mental stimulation at work means I am completely burnt out in the evenings and on the weekend. I have no energy to look after my mental health through things like good diet and exercise. And beyond that I am not able to look forward to social interactions. When I am experiencing this I don’t know at the time that I am too mentally drained from work. I just think ‘I don’t feel like it’. However I don’t feel like doing things that are supposed to be fun. I realise that I was enduring my life instead of embracing it. And that is definitely not how I want to live.
How To Start
If any of this sounds like you, you might be thinking “what changes have you made?”. I definitely did not just start saying no to everything at work. Instead I worked on two things. Firstly, I cut out a lot of time wasting at work. I stopped doing things that were not productive. This has saved me an incredible amount of time and energy. I did this by focusing on doing at least one session (1.5 – 3hrs) of deep work per day. If you are not familiar I’d recommend Deep Work by Cal Newport .
Then in my personal life I created a list of priorities for me. These are things that are important for me to create space and energy for. Then I aligned expectations at work to allow me to fit my priorities into my life.
Priorities
For me, the biggest sign I was giving too much to work was my energy for everything else. So my priorities included having more energy for daily exercise, cooking a healthy meal and being able to look forward to social engagements with friends and family at the weekend. If my day is so busy that I am too tired to cook, I am doing too much in the day. Or if I don’t have the energy to go to the movies on a Friday night, I am doing too much.
Expectation Setting
This one might sound scary but it hasn’t impacted my performance or my credibility at work. Instead of saying yes to everything and working as hard as possible to meet deadlines, I now give people realistic expectations of when I can do things for them. And with my manager, if she asks me to take on a new project, I remind her of my other ongoing projects and ask her to help me to prioritise what to focus on for the week or month ahead.
Maybe life is not about the destination but it is about the journey and the process. Perhaps we will never be totally fulfilled and satisfied. In fact there are pros and cons to never being satisfied but I think it that we should have the space and energy to try as many things as we want without feeling stressed and burnt out. Taking a step back for me has really allowed me to take five leaps forward. I wish I had realised sooner. If you have a similar experience please share in the comments. Or if you have any questions on how to start this for yourself, feel free to reach out.