How To Embrace Spending Time Alone – Where To Start

We should all embrace spending time alone. Don’t believe me? Here are 7 Science-backed Reasons You Should Spend More Time Alone. We fully believe in this concept, so much so we recently shared a post about Why Spending Time Alone Is The Ultimate Flex. In it we explore the many benefits of being comfortable doing things alone like eating or going on a solo trip. And the reality is whilst many of us acknowledge the benefits, not so many of us are actually comfortable spending time alone. So today, we are talking about how to embrace spending time alone – where to start:

Know Your Why

Firstly, as cheesy as it sounds, you need to know your why. Why would you bother to embrace spending time alone? If you need some inspiration check out our previous article Why Spending Time Alone Is The Ultimate Flex but that is my why. You have to figure out why for you. If you don’t know your why, you’ll quit as soon as it gets difficult. 

How?

Take out a pen and paper. Give yourself some time and space to think about the limitations of always needing someone else to do things with you and also the potential freedom of being comfortable to do things alone. BUT also think about the comfort of having someone and the drawbacks of doing things alone. There are pro’s and cons to everything after all. Try asking yourself these questions as a prompt: 

1. On a scale of 1-10 how comfortable do I feel doing things alone? 
2. What is something I am comfortable doing alone? 
3. What is something I feel too intimidated to do alone?
4. What’s an example of a time I missed out by being too uncomfortable to do something alone? 
5. If I didn’t feel uncomfortable spending time alone, what is something I’d like to experience this weekend, this summer, this year? 
6. Will the benefits be worth the effort? 

Start Simple

Yes, there are so many benefits to being comfortable spending time alone but IT IS NOT EASY. Even the most independent and confident people may find this hard to begin with. And then of course there will be the select few who just do it without a second thought and cannot understand the struggle the rest of us face. I don’t know where you are on that scale but start simple and start where you are. If the thought of going to the grocery store alone fills you with anxiety, don’t plan a solo trip across Europe. You get the idea. 

Starting where you are means identifying your current level of comfort and then looking for an opportunity to push just beyond it. What that looks like for will be slightly different to everyone else. For me for example, due to travelling a lot for work, I have been comfortable eating alone for a long time. This may be a huge deal for some people. On the other hand, initially I found it quite intimidating to do fun activities alone. My version of start simple was to go to the movies alone. That might sound so simple and easy to some people, but for me it was a big deal. So that is where I started. 

Look For Opportunities

Once we’ve decided to embrace spending time alone and we’ve defined our simple starting point, we need to look for opportunities to take action. You’ll be surprised how many opportunities there are to lean into this challenge. And how often you automatically opt out of things due to being uncomfortable spending time alone. 

Looking for opportunities is a simple and ongoing process. It can be as simple as seeing that a new restaurant opened and once you catch yourself thinking “I’d like to check that place out” you immediately book a table for one and check it out. It could be seeing that a band you want to see are in town next weekend. Instead of inviting all of your friends, maybe it is a good opportunity to go solo. Or an opportunity can be as simple as having a friend cancel plans last minute but instead of changing your plans, you decide to go alone anyway. 

And Don’t Make Excuses

For every opportunity to spend time alone, there will be a great excuse not to. I have so many examples of this: “My favourite band are in town this weekend but I already have a busy week, I’ll catch them next time” That is code for “The idea of going alone makes me feel uncomfortable” aka an excuse. Or maybe a movie I want to see comes out this weekend and there is no one available to go with me. I say to myself “I’ll wait until next week because I know my sister would really like to see that with me”. Maybe it is true, or maybe it’s just an excuse. 

The point is there will always be really easy and valid excuses to avoid embracing spending time alone. It is too easy to cancel on ourselves. So if you know this is something you want to embrace. Make that commitment to yourself and don’t make excuses to cancel plans with yourself. Feel bad for cancelling on yourself just like you would if you were cancelling on a friend. Lean into the opportunity and don’t make excuses. 

Create Levels

As previously mentioned, we all need to create our own simple starting point. From there it is important to think about the different levels there are to spending time alone. Level 1 is the easiest and level 10 is the hardest. Firstly, maybe you never want to or need to get to level 10. Simply decide to what extent you’d like to be comfortable alone. Then as the level you are on starts to feel comfortable, normal and even enjoyable you know you are ready to push to the next level. For example once you are comfortable having a coffee alone, maybe you can try a meal or a movie. 

Celebrate Your Wins

The somewhat strange thing about embracing spending time alone is that when you do it, you feel great. But it was just you. So there isn’t really anyone to celebrate with. But it is important to take a moment to celebrate your wins and be proud of yourself. Even if you simply had a coffee alone, be proud and celebrate that win. It will encourage you to get to the next level. 

Once you are comfortable to spend time alone, you no longer need anyone. Every person you spend time with becomes a choice. And that makes it really easy to improve the quality of your circle. However, being comfortable spending time alone does not mean we never spend time with people anymore. So although during the phase where you get comfortable with this, you need to actively embrace opportunities to spend time alone, that doesn’t last forever. If you are taking on this challenge, good luck! Let us know how you get on and feel free to share your own tips and advice in the comments.