Do you ever get the feeling that everyone else has their life figured out except you? When I look at how my friends are living and what they are doing day to day, I often feel like I don’t fit in. Their lives seem so alien to mine and from ‘society’s’ perspective, they are winning at life and I am currently failing. This has become even more paramount since being in my thirties.
Your thirties are a weird time. Don’t get me wrong there are plenty of benefits to turning 30, read this post What Does It Really Feel Like To Turn 30 if you don’t believe me. But they are also a weird time, here’s why.
We suddenly go from being in our twenties, with a ‘get out of jail free card’ that we are still figuring life out and therefore allowed to fuck up. Then one day you wake up as a 30 year old and you better have your life figured out. We can’t be seen to be acting ‘wild’, ‘immature’ or ‘making mistakes’. Our thirties are apparently not a time for experimenting, they are a time for settling down and being a ‘grown up’. Whatever that actually means.
We are scared to start something new in our thirties, whether it’s a change in career, new relationship/leaving a relationship or going back to education. All because we believe we don’t have enough time.
Basically, society makes us feel like we have to have our shit together in our thirties. But thankfully we live in a world where we don’t have to listen to society, our family or friends and can actually live whatever life we want. My life is a great example of this.
What Society Tells Me I Should Be Doing In My 30s Vs. What I Am Actually Doing In My 30s
SOCIETY’S EXPECTATIONS
MY LIFE
Happily married to my high school sweetheart aka Love of my life.
Vs. No husband, no ring, no desire to marry. Still have a stable, loving relationship.
Own a house and be tied to a mortgage for 45+ years.
Vs. I am technically homeless due to my Digital Nomad lifestyle so I can live anywhere in the world and move at any time.
Or at least be living in a long term rental.
Vs. See above.
Have 2 children or one on the way.
Vs. No desire to be responsible for another life and have all the freedom in the world.
Or at least be thinking about reproducing and get my eggs frozen.
Vs. See above.
Have a stable 9 -5 job whilst climbing the career ladder.
Vs. I work on a freelance basis, choosing when and where I work.
Know what my facial skin type is with a 10 step daily skincare routine.
Vs. I don’t have enough room in my luggage for moisturiser.
You Can't Please Everyone
Something I have learnt is that everyone has expectations of you. I took a screenshot of this quote but I’m not sure who wrote it so I’ll claim it for now:
So often we are being pulled in different directions based on other people’s expectations of us, this can be incredibly unsettling and lead to feelings of never feeling good enough or happy because we are always trying to live up to others expectations of us.
It took me until my thirties to realise I don’t have to do what everyone else is expecting of me. When I was in my mid twenties, I wanted the life I have now, but my parents talked me out of it because they weren’t comfortable with the idea. Even as a fully grown adult, I was making life decisions based on what other people wanted me to do. I once took a promotion I didn’t want because my Boss told me it would be good for me, I ended up hating the role and being miserable everyday.
You Do You
You are the only person that has to live your life and wake up everyday with the decisions you have chosen. Our days are numbered, I know that sounds grim, but it’s true. You HAVE to do what makes you happy. If that means having a husband and kids, then go for it. If it means choosing to live your best single life, that’s also fine. As long as our actions aren’t directly affecting someone else, then as the saying goes; you do you.
One book I found really helpful to uncovering more happiness in my life is the New York Times bestseller 10% Happier, ideal for people who are more on the sceptical side of self-help and spirituality, I think you’ll be surprised!
So I guess you could say that according to society, I am failing my thirties miserably, but I would rather fail society than fail myself. Since deciding I am going to live my life for me, I am happier and more satisfied in day to day, and I finally feel like I am my true authentic self.
Amber x
P.s If you enjoyed this post, then you should also read 30 Things You Should Never Say To Women In Their 30s.
Pingback: 6 Life Lessons My Successful Dad Has Taught Me
Pingback: 30 Things You Should Never Say To Women In Their 30s