Managing money for yourself can be difficult, but managing money with a partner, especially a new one can be even more tricky and even a little awkward. But as with any uncomfortable conversation that needs to be had, communication is always key.
When it comes to conversations around money, the most important things to remember are:
– Honesty
– Trust
– No judgement
Can I Ask My Partner How Much Money They Make?
I can remember when I first asked my boyfriend about his finances. I realised there was no easy way of asking so one day over breakfast I simply blurted out, “What’s your financial situation?”. I can’t deny that he was taken aback because the question had come out of nowhere so I can’t blame him. But after the initial surprise and realisation that I was being serious, he told me, and it was that easy.
Is asking your boyfriend or girlfriend how much money they have rude or unwarranted? No, it’s not. Because I believe if you are planning a life with someone, you need to know all the facts in order to plan for the future.
You should also tell your boyfriend or girlfriend how much money you have, what you earn and your financial plans. There is nothing to hide when it comes to money and you need to figure out how you will move forward together as a couple based on your finances.
Even if one of your financial situations isn’t in the best health, if you don’t know what you’re both dealing with it’s going to cause friction when it comes to spending, and you can’t help each other if you don’t know.
Money Questions You Should Be Asking Your Partner (And Answering Yourself)
- How much money do they/you have saved?
- Do they/you have any debts or loans?
- How much money do they/you earn?
- What is their/your financial plans for the future? E.g Are they saving for something specific?
- After all bills are paid, how much money do they/you have at the end of each month?
- Is there anything else money related to be aware of?
- Don’t let this be the only money conversation you have with your partner. You should both be responsible for checking in from time to time, especially if you have a joint goal.
This might sound invasive and intense, but it’s about the delivery. Don’t have a notepad and pen at the ready to write down all the answers. It should be a comfortable conversation with the end goal being that you’ll know more about each other and maybe even have some joint financial plans for the future. If you can give them a heads-up that you want to discuss finances, I am sure they would appreciate that, unlike what I did!
How Can You Manage Money Together As A Couple
This will be a case by case basis on a number of factors:
– Where you are in your relationship. E.g are you working towards the same financial goals? Are you sharing bills and rent?
– How long you’ve been in a relationship for. Though this isn’t an exact science as time doesn’t always mean anything, I am mostly referring to being a very new couple.
– How you are both set up financially. E.g if one of you earns significantly more than the other. Or one person in the relationship is in debt.
Joint Bank Accounts
A joint bank account with your partner is probably the most common way of managing money between the two of you. If you have a regular monthly income and consistent outgoings such as rent and bills it might be easier to put money into one pot and that it used to pay for your couple expenses.
If you are both saving for the same financial goal, you may always want to set up a joint savings account.
Splitwise
Splitwise is an app ideal for splitting out expenses between your friends, or in my case, my partner. As this is actually how I currently manage money with my boyfriend. Because of the nature of how we live, both digital nomads, our income and outgoings change on a weekly basis so it’s easier for us to keep our money separately.
One of you pays for dinner, accommodation or flights etc and adds the value to the app, which can then either be split equally or you can split it by a specific amount. Then it’s up to you how it gets paid off. If the other person then pays for dinner next time and add its to the app, or if it gets to the end of the month you’ll be sent a summary of what you/they owe. You can then choose to pay this off in full by sending a bank transfer or carry the value over into the next month.
Splitwise has a free version and paid version, we’ve been using the free version for over a year now and it works great for us. You can split the expenses in a number of different ways, and use unlimited currencies.
You Do You
If it’s early on in the relationship or you prefer to be the only one that can access your money, you can do nothing. Meaning every time a purchase is made, you pay for you, and they pay for them. Similar to the Splitwise app but with this method, there’s no chance of anyone owing any money.
What Else?
Well this depends on each individual couple, but there are of course other ways to manage money with a partner:
– One person pays for all rent and bills, whilst the other person pays for all leisure expenses
– The mortgage is paid by the owner of the house, whilst the other person pays just the bills
– All money goes into one pot and one person manages it
– One person pays for everything and the other person saves for both people
Money and finances are individual to each couple and need to be figured out based on your own unique circumstances, but the best place to start is by having the conversation.
I am by no means a professional financial advisor, but I have had my fair share of money conversations with a partner. Some really good resources I use for financial advise include:
– Money Saving Expert. The website is messy, but use the blue bar at the top to navigate where you want to find out more. They cover mortgage advice, bank accounts, travel advice and more.
– NerdWallet. Similar to Money Saving Expert but for the US, and it’s a much cleaner website.
– Chip App. An app for transparent saving and investing with lots of useful tips.
Let’s continue the conversation and help other couples out, if you have any tried and tested advice, share it in the comments.
Amber x