Maintaining your independence is a crucial part of a relationship. It’s healthy for you and your partner to have your own lives and feel independent. But this can be difficult to balance between the two of you.
You want to avoid anyone feeling left out or like the other person has become TOO independent. This can cause worry and unnecessary strain on your relationship. But it’s not a one size fits all type approach, you really have to find what works for both of you.
Independence Is A Relationship Necessity
Feeling independent helps us keep our identity. You were your own person before you started your relationship. Of course you will naturally adapt, compromise and experience some level of change as you navigate being with someone new. But you are still you.
When we don’t feel like ourselves it can really affect us mentally and emotionally. So it’s important that you still feel like yourself and being independent is a key part of that.
It’s not what you want to hear but ultimately the person you are with now might not be around forever. Becoming too reliant on someone sets you up for a big downfall should things not work out. You need to know how to live and be independent outside of your relationship.
5 Ways To Maintain Your Independence In A Relationship
1. Have Separate Friends
Having separate friendship groups and doing activities without your partner is a great way to maintain your independence. It’s also important to continue to nurture your friendships whilst having a relationship and that’s easier to do when it’s just you and your friends.
This goes the same for spending time with your family on your own. It’s healthy and necessary to have that quality with family members without your other half being around.
If you don’t yet have a friendship group of your own that’s totally fine. There is no time like the present to start making new friends.
2. Go On A Solo Trip
Taking a solo trip really enforces your independence. Because you have no choice but to be independent and do everything for yourself, by yourself.
You still need to enjoy your independence so if the idea of taking a solo trip scares the shit out of you, maybe start with a friend’s trip. You could be the one to do all the planning and navigating to remind you that you can do it by yourself.
Wondering where to even start with a solo trip? Adventurous Kate has all the answers!
3. Find Your Own Hobby
Having hobbies allows you time to be by yourself whilst doing something you enjoy. They are great for our overall wellbeing and keeps life interesting. It’s also a great opportunity to meet new people and further encourage and develop your independence.
You don’t have to do everything with your other half so find a hobby you will enjoy and set time aside to do it. It’s a good idea to encourage the same of your boyfriend too.
4. Date Yourself
When was the last time you took yourself out on a date? When was the last time you got dressed up purely for you? You can’t live your life for someone else. You have to take care of you. And part of that is spending time alone doing things you like doing. Going for a nice breakfast, having a picnic on the beach.
Of course it’s nice to do these things with someone, but you can have your cake and eat it too. You can date yourself and date your boyfriend.
If you like this idea but aren’t sure how to start, read our post: How To Embrace Spending Time Alone- Where To Start.
5. Communicate
Maybe you are already very independent and you already do all the things listed here, which is great. But how do you ensure your independence is fair on the relationship? You need to talk about. Is it balanced? Do you both feel independent whilst feeling loved and wanted at the same time?
There is no harm in checking in regularly because you both deserve to be happy and the easiest way to overcome any issues it to talk about them.
Let’s wrap this up. Now you understand why you both need independence as part of a healthy relationship. And you have all the knowledge and tools required to be more independent, so now it’s a case of putting it all into practice.
You’ll have so much more to talk about over dinner and spending time together becomes even more precious. It’s totally possible to maintain independence whilst in a relationship. Feel free to share any insight you have found on this topic.
Amber