Wanting to reconnect with an old friend that you have lost touch with can ignite feelings of uncertainty, nervousness and even fear of rejection. But you should also be experiencing excitement and hopefulness, as this could be the start (or restart of something beautiful!)
In this post we’re going to discuss how you can connect with an old friend, what you need to consider when doing this and making sure the timing is right for both of you. Plus, what happens if things don’t go to plan?
Maintaining friendships is important to our overall mental health and wellbeing. In some cases, our friends will be in our lives longer than our partners.
Friendships provide a safe space for us and someone we can turn to in times of need. Oh and our drinking buddy, good-time friend. You know the ones!
Not all friendships stand the test of time and that is okay. But there’s no harm in trying to reconnect if that’s what you want to do. So let’s get into how to connect with an old friend.
Before You Reconnect With Your Friend
Consider the reasons why you want to reconnect with your old friend. This will give you a clear picture on if making contact is worthwhile, beneficial to both of you and if there’s potential for the friendship to work.
Was There A Disagreement?
If you have fallen out, think carefully about whether the friendship can be saved? Is it possible for you both forgive each other and can you both move passed what happened?
It’s not impossible to salvage a friendship when there’s been a falling out. But you want to avoid unnecessary stress and drama in your life and theirs. So you want to be sure reconnecting is right for both of you.
Were you Kind Of A Lazy Friend?
Were you too lazy to make the friendship work? Always forgetting to reply to messages or cancelling plans last minute as you’d rather binge on Netflix?
You’re not the only one guilty of doing this. But how can you be sure this time around you’re willing to put in the effort? Letting a friendship down twice is a no-no.
Did You Naturally Grow Apart?
Growing apart is normal for a lot of friendships, especially if you’re both at different stages in your life or if one of you moved away.
This does therefore mean you need to consider if maintaining a friendship is feasible. It’s all well and good reaching out initially, but if you can’t put in the face time thereafter, you may want to think twice.
Some final thoughts before you make initial contact. Consider both of your current life stages.
Is this the right time for both of you? Have either of you had big life changes, such as having a baby. Ask yourself, do you have the time and energy to restart the friendship?
Preparing For First Contact
When reconnecting with an old friend you should be genuine and thoughtful. Perhaps start by sharing a memory that makes you laugh or a picture of you both that you came across. Something to help trigger a conversation.
You will know the best method to message your friend on. E.g call, text, social media. Every person is different and you will know what’s right them to increase your chances of getting a response.
Ideally you want to keep things casual, no pressure and light-hearted to begin with.
Depending on how things were left between the friendship, you can suggest meeting up early on.
But remember that respect is key with any relationship. You have to respect their boundaries, their response (and no response is a response!) and their actions once you have reached out.
Reconnecting with an old friend is not a guarantee and things may not go the way you hope. Read on to see how to handle this.
Maintaining Your Rekindled Friendship
So you’ve initiated contact with your old friend and things are going well, that’s great! But now what?
You need to ensure you maintain this reignited relationship with them. Don’t fall back in to old habits of losing contact or falling out over the past.
Any previous negativity that put a strain between you and your friend needs to be dealt with and left behind.
You don’t want to be dealing with the same issues or either of you holding feelings of hurt. Ensure everything is out in the open and put behind you both. You can almost treat this as a new friendship!
In the beginning you may need to make more of an effort to prove yourself, by carving out time to see your friend and ensure consistent contact is made.
Once you get back into the flow of your friendship, it should all come naturally and fall into place. Of course you still need to make an effort- this goes without saying for any relationship to flourish.
What If Things Don't Go To Plan?
Unfortunately you may find that just because you want to have your friend back in your life, doesn’t mean the feeling is mutual.
People change, they move on or can’t go back. Or they may feel it’s not in their best interest.
This is something that may happen and you should be prepared for it.
Always try to turn situations like this into a positive. You’ve put yourself out there, and your friend knows where you are if they change their mind. Never say never! And you will have grown and learnt something from this experience.
This also means you’ll have more time to focus on and nurture other friendships instead. Or perhaps use this as an opportunity to meet new people?
Now we’ve covered everything to help you reconnect with your old friend, what are you waiting for? It’s up to you to make the first move!
If you found this post helpful, you may also want to read: Is It Normal To Argue With Your Friends?
Amber