Believing that you are ‘behind’ in life can leave you with feelings of unease, sadness, desperation and worry. You may also think you’re alone in feeling this way, but it is actually more common than you might realise. Especially in your 30s.
As a 33 year old that is not married, does not own a house and has no children, I know the feeling very well.
When we’re approaching the big 3-0, there’s a pressure to have all our sh*t together and we can start to panic. You know what I’m talking about. When we go to weddings or family get togethers and everyone is asking us the same questions.
‘When are you going to settle down?’
‘Isn’t it time you stopped renting and bought somewhere?’
‘When are you going to get a proper job?’
All of these can be responded with ‘None of your business Susan, when are you going to stop being such a busy body??‘ Ugh. Okay not very mature but certainly valid.
Thanks For Nothing, Society
There is no such thing as ‘being behind in life’. Because everyone develops, grows and moves at their own rate. Not to mention these days there are far more choices and opportunities now than ever before.
Women are choosing careers over having children. People are choosing travelling over careers. And relationships? Well they come in all shapes and sizes.
Feeling behind in life has nothing to do with you, this is about society. Because it’s society that makes us feel this way, like we are not where we should be in life if we haven’t done X, Y & Z.
It’s a lot of pressure to be constantly striving towards and trying to hit targets set by society. Some of which might not even interest you. For example, not everyone wants children and Not everyone wants a career.
But because it may seem like everyone else is doing those thing and within a specific time frame, you can often feel left behind, even if you don’t have the same desires and timeframe for life.
6 Ways To Overcome The Feeling Of Being Behind In Life.
1. Own Your Truth
You are the only person that has to live your life and wake up everyday as you, so you might as well own who you are and embrace it.
Because what’s the alternative? Sit around and mope. I can assure you that won’t get you far.
We’re all going through our own issues, demons, good days and bad days. Without the additional societal pressure making us feel behind in life.
You only need to focus on you. If people start giving you their unwanted opinion, it’s usually because their not happy in their own life.
Forget what everyone else is saying and doing, just do you and own it. Because if I’ve learnt anything, it’s to trust the journey that you are on, and know that everything will work out best for you.
2. Surround Yourself With Positivity
Trust me, there are many people that feel the same way as you (I’ve been there myself). Feeling like they are behind in life and under pressure. People in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s and probably even beyond!
I understand that it’s not easy to avoid the negativity of people in your family when you’re at Christmas dinner and Aunt Susie asks when you’re finally going to have a baby. Those situations are unfortunately unavoidable.
But what you can do is try and surround yourself with people that don’t put pressure on you. That are not following societies norm or maybe they are but at their own pace. Surround yourself with others that ‘own their truth.’
And everyone knows the saying ‘negativity breeds negativity’. The same goes for positivity!
3. Have Your Own Thing
Instead of worrying about what society thinks we should have going on in our lives. Try working out what makes you happy in all areas of your life. And focus on what you have got instead of what you haven’t got.
Finding happiness in life is often linked to having a purpose. Having your own hobbies and interests is what helps define who you are as a person.
You don’t need a ring on your finger, a mortgage or ‘Director’ in your job title to be a somebody. Those things may come at some point, but there is more to you than that.
4. Self-Development
One of the best things you can do for yourself is continue to develop. Personally and professionally. Whether it’s trying out a new hobby or taking an online course. Keep bettering yourself.
Why? One reason is because it opens up all sorts of opportunities and possibilities. You never know who you will meet or you could discover a hidden talent that turns into a side business.
But another reason is because you don’t want to feel stagnant or stuck. Especially if you’re already feeling behind in life. By pushing yourself and developing yourself in other ways, you will feel less of the societal pressures.
5. Be Patient & Kind
Taking care of yourself is a job in itself and one that should be taken seriously.
It’s easy to become frustrated, upset, nervous etc when you’re feeling behind in life. But those feelings aren’t doing you any favours.
There are already a million pressures on us that we have to deal with every day e.g our looks and body image, our social following, hitting targets at work, trying not to have a mental breakdown on a daily basis.
When you throw in the additional pressures of society you’re adding unnecessary stress. If you start feeling this way, remind yourself of what you have achieved in life and how far you have come.
6. Don't Panic!
With all the pressure from society giving us this feeling of being behind in life, it can sometimes cause us to panic a little. But it’s important that you don’t.
When I say don’t panic, I mean don’t make rash decisions just because you’re 30 something and feeling under pressure.
Don’t settle in a relationship. Don’t have children if you’re not ready. And don’t buy a house if you don’t want to.
Remember that all big life decisions you make will have an impact, and therefore when it comes to those big life decisions, they need to be well thought through.
If you’re not sure which direction to take in life, give yourself a moment. Write up a pros and cons list. Talk to friends and family. Talk to people that have gone through what you are considering. Do your due diligence.
This will ultimately help you to make good life choices that are right for you and you can feel confident in those decisions.
Life is not a race. Embracing your unique journey, rejecting unrealistic societal expectations, and focusing on personal growth and happiness are the keys to overcoming feeling behind in life.
Ultimately, these strategies will not only help you manage the pressures of societal norms but also empower you to lead a life that is genuinely yours, filled with satisfaction and devoid of unnecessary stress.
Remember, you are not behind; you are exactly where you need to be.
Amber
Sign up for our newsletter to become a part of the Suddenly Thirty community - stay up to date on new posts and community events!