It’s never a nice situation to be in when your friends don’t like your boyfriend. And unfortunately it is an absolute red flag that should not be ignored. As much as we may not want to believe or see what they are telling us, it’s important to take their views into consideration.
Why Does It Matter If My Friends Don't Like My Boyfriend?
Maybe it actually doesn’t matter if your friends or family don’t like your boyfriend. Ultimately, you are the only person that has to wake up every day and live your life. You are the only person that has to be with your boyfriend. So you have to do what makes you happy.
However, it does matter what your friends think. Of course it does or you wouldn’t be here. It’s playing on your mind and you’re questioning whether their dislike for your boyfriend is a red flag that maybe you can’t see.
When you are so involved in a relationship, it can sometimes be hard to see what is really going on. And often it’s not until we’ve taken a step back that we can see the true, bigger picture. And what everybody else sees and was warning us about! That’s why we sometimes come out of a relationship and think ‘What the HELL was I thinking?’.
However your friends CAN see the bigger picture because they don’t have the emotional involvement that you do with your boyfriend. They can sense when you are changing, and can pick up on anything that feels off with your boyfriend. If you don’t want to see the red flags- you won’t. But trust me, they will.
You Need To Hear Them Out
As much as you don’t want to hear a bad word said about your relationship or your boyfriend. It’s actually really important that you hear out what they have to say.
No matter how uncomfortable or awkward it might be. Remember this is just as uncomfortable for them because no one wants to be the bearer of bad news.
Even if you do nothing with the information, it’s worth trying to understand what their concern is. And maybe it’s not a big deal to you, maybe you don’t care. But maybe it’s a red flag you should have presented to you.
Your friends telling you this only comes from a place of love and care so keep that in mind. They are not purposely trying to hurt you or ruin your relationship. Your friends want the best for you and that’s why you need to at least hear out their concerns about your boyfriend.
The Caveats - When It's Not A Red Flag
Firstly, if there’s only 1 friend that has a problem with your boyfriend. Then it might not be a red flag. If all your other close friends AND family like and accept your boyfriend. It could be a problem with your friend. Maybe they are jealous, or maybe they don’t understand your boyfriend.
You should still hear out what they have to say because it also gives you a chance to explain or soothe any issues they may have.
Secondly, if you genuinely can’t see what they can see. When your friends express their feelings, try to take a step back and see it from their perspective. If you are 110% certain they’ve got it wrong, then maybe they really have got it wrong.
If you think your friend is jealous of your relationship and it’s ruining your friendship, have a read of Oprah Daily’s article on how to deal with this difficult situation.
But Why Is It A Red Flag Though?
Your relationship doesn’t affect your friends. Whatever is happening in your relationship is happening to you and not them.
So if they feel that strongly about your boyfriend, they are only concerned for you. It comes from a completely selfless place and it’s purely a feeling of protection.
Whereas your boyfriend has different intentions, he is in the relationship and therefore his thoughts, behaviour, actions, emotions come from a selfish place.
And that’s the difference between. Because let’s be honest, you’re gonna tell your boyfriend what your friends said and he’s going to defend himself.
What To Do Now?
If the red flags are legit, you have 2 choices. Actually you have 3 but I am hoping you won’t go for the last one.
1. You can address the concerns with your boyfriend, it’s actually only fair to see if understands where they are coming from and gets a chance to speak for himself.
2. You can leave your relationship.
3. You can do nothing.
I am sure none of these fill you with much joy but you need to deal with the concerns of your loved ones. As ultimately they have your best interests at heart. Your friends are often the ones to sense when something is not right, when you don’t seem yourself or there is something uncomfortable about your relationship.
Amber
If you are one of those unlucky people that never seem to find a good man, have a read of our post: Dating In Your 30s: Why Can’t I Find A Good Man?