Ever wondered if it’s normal to be single in your 30s? You’re not alone. In fact, you’re part of a growing tribe of women who are navigating single life well into their third decade of life. But what’s the deal with being single in your 30s? Is it normal, and more importantly, is it okay?
In this article, we’re going to explore this question and shed some light on the whole single-in-your-30s situation. Whether you’re embracing single life or pondering the dating scene, let’s get to the heart of it together.
If you are here for the short version, yes it is absolutely normal to be single in your 30s. But the most interesting bit is in the detail, so let’s dive in!
Getting Married Older
In the 1990s, the average age men and women got married (for the first time) was 27 and 25 respectively. Fast forward to the present day and that number has increased significantly. In countries such as Sweden, Spain and Italy, the average age is closer to 34 for women and 37 for men.
My parents got married when they were 21 and started our family immediately, welcoming their first child at 22. At 22, still in University, I was barely able to boil and egg, never mind start a family. Times are clearly changing!
People are getting married later in life. There are many reasons for this. For example, it is normal for most people to continue to third level education. This means we are not graduating until 21 or 22. People are also prioritising travel and adventure in their early 20s, right out of University.
Then there are those who are more career focused and would like to gain some financial stability before settling down to marriage and possibly kids.
All of these things take time. And it is wonderful to have so many paths to choose as young adults. It is making it very normal to be single in your 30s.
Changing Relationship Norms
Relationships themselves have also evolved a lot over the years. With the opportunity to travel, far and wide along with online dating apps, we’ve never had so many options in the dating pool before.
These changing relationship norms mean it is more common for people to be single in their 30s. We no longer have to find ‘the one’ and settle down at 22. We can choose to casually date and have our needs met by ‘friends with benefits’.
More choice actually makes it harder to choose. This means that it is quite common for people to have 4 or 5 serious relationships before choosing to settle down and get married. Some people are choosing to never get married.
And what does all of this lead to? It is normal to be single in your 30s.
More Opportunities
Whenever I hear anyone ask ‘Is it normal to be single in your 30s?’, they always have a tone of slight concern. Concern that it is too late to find love. Or that there is something wrong with them. But in reality, being single in our 30s is actually as a result of us all having more opportunities.
We are often tempted to compare ourselves to our parent. But think about it, back then there were not that many options for women, other than to meet a man and start a family. That is not the case anymore.
The opportunities available to both men and women have allowed us to prioritise other things above settling down and starting a family. We have the opportunity to travel, to study, to build successful careers or start our own businesses, to find meaningful friendships and to focus on our personal growth and development.
These are amazing opportunities that many of the women before us, simply did not have available to them.
So next time you compare your own age to that of your mother when she met your father, remember that it is normal to be single in your 30s today, even though it was not normal back then. And that is ok.
The Pursuit Of Independence
Being single and being lonely are no longer the same thing. Many men and women are choosing to embrace the single life in pursuit of independence.
There is so much emphasis on mental health and well being today that it is very normal to choose to focus on your own personal growth and development. And we even have celebrity role models who genuinely like being single and aren’t afraid to let the world know
American Actress Diane Keating recently said she ‘hasn’t been on a date in 35 years’ by choice!
The stigma attached to being ‘older’ (meaning 30s and above) and being single is slowly disappearing. It is something that is being celebrated as a sign of independence. As a result it is normal to be single in our 30s.
Divorce Rates
Although divorce rates are actually declining, people are still getting divorced. And what this means is it is actually quite normal to meet someone in their 30s who has already been married and divorced.
Of course, this also increases the number of people who are single in their 30s, making it even more normal.
More Choice
With the developments in technology (online dating), ease of travel and generally more open ways to communicate, we all have more choice in the partner(s) we select.
Before the internet, we really only had a small pool of people to choose from. And they were most likely living and/or working close to us.
This is actually one of the reasons why it is normal to be single in your 30s now, even though it wasn’t back then. You’d be forgiven for thinking that surely if there are more people to choose from, you are more likely to find a partner.
However, more isn’t always better. As outlined in the Harvard Business Review Article, there are many studies that prove humans can experience choice paralysis, when presented with too much choice.
And I think this can also be true in selecting a suitable partner. We have so many options and it is so easy to meet people now that we all move on too easily. Instead of putting in time and effort to get to know someone, it is easier to move onto the next one. This is also contributing to more people being single in their 30s.
The Botton Line
As you can probably see, there are many different reasons why people find themselves single in their 30s. For some people, it’s a choice, for others they have fallen victim to the times we live in.
However one thing that is for absolute sure is it is normal to be single in your 30s. So whether you are choosing to embrace single life or you are hoping to find ‘the one’ as soon as possible, know this;
There is nothing wrong with you. Nobody thinks that you are weird. It is definitely not too late to find love in your 30s. And most of all, it is normal to be single in your 30s. So stop worrying and start living!
In fact, if you are single, here are some suggestions on how to make the most of it: What Should I do While I am Single?