Is It Normal To Not Want Kids?

When I think about the fact that I don’t want children, I imagine myself tapping my internal biological clock, like; ‘Hello? Is this thing on?‘. I am in my 30s and I just don’t want kids. But society suggests that’s not normal.

We live in a world that tells us it’s human nature to reproduce. My friends have children or know they want children, my parents and grandparents ask me, ‘When are you going to have children?‘, and society is set up in such a way that encourages us to reproduce. So you’d think that just by being a human and surrounding myself in what must be mine and everyone else’s destiny, surely I should want kids? But no it actually feels more ingrained in me to not want children. Sound familiar?

I get it, we need to have a baby so that the human race can continue. And I’m not completely soulless, I think kids are adorable and I love my nieces like they were my own, but I know that having children isn’t the life path for me. Does all this mean there is something wrong with me? Or is it normal to not want kids? Actually, yes and here’s why.

12 Reasons Why It's Totally Okay To Not Want Children

1. I Don't Want Kids Because I Just Don't Want Them

If deep in your core you know you don’t want kids, that’s absolutely fine. You don’t need a reason and you don’t need to explain that to anyone either. I actually get excited when my period arrives because I know I’m not pregnant and when my friends have a pregnancy announcement, I am always thankful it’s not me. Sometimes you just know.

2. I Don't Want Kids Because The World Is Going To Shit

Global warming, the economy, war. Let’s be honest, things are looking kinda bleak right now and it’s hard to tell if it’s going to get better. Do we really want to bring children into a world that is this unstable, uncertain and doom and gloom? With times only set to get tougher. It’s completely understandable that you wouldn’t want to bring a child into the world with the current state that it’s in.

3. I Don't Want Kids Because I Like My Freedom

I have seen first hand the sacrifices that my sister and friends have made for their children. Their lives now revolve around a little one or two or three! Which is fine if that’s what you want. But I like being able to do what I want, when I want and not worry about anyone else.

If I want to get drunk at the weekend and feel hungover for 24 hours, I can do it guilt free. If I want to take a last minute trip abroad, I don’t have to worry about being hunted down by the Government for taking my kid out of school. It doesn’t make you selfish if you enjoy and want to continue your freedom.

4. I Don't Want Kids Because I Don't Want The Responsibility

I am only just about capable of looking after myself, let alone trying to keep another human alive. I don’t want the responsibility of another life for 18+ years! It scares me to think that we are responsible for guiding another human being into a good, smart, well-rounded, happy, likeable individual that can handle their drink and hopefully doesn’t get too deep into drugs.

5. I Don't Want Kids Because My Partner Already Has Kids

And maybe their kids are fulfilling enough for you that you don’t feel like you need anymore in your life. Or maybe their kids have put you off having your own!?

6. I Don't Want Kids Because I Can't Afford It

According to The Times Money Mentor, it costs on average £202k to raise a child to 18 (and how many of them actually leave the nest at this age!). That works out roughly to £11k per year, almost £1,000 per month and let’s be honest, who has that kind of spare cash lying around each month? It is a sad reality that babies, children, teens are expensive and if you’re not financially set up for it, you might not want the burden of an extra mouth to feed and clothes to put on their back.

Even if you can afford it, it’s totally acceptable to want to spend your hard earned money on something else.

7. I Don't Want Kids Because I'd Be A Single Parent

Of course you can still choose to have children if you are single, but it’s obvious that raising a child as a single parent will be much more hard work than if you had an extra pair of hands to pitch in. It doesn’t mean it’s impossible, there are plenty of people that do it but it’s understandable that if you are single, you wouldn’t necessarily choose this path.

8. I Don't Want Kids Because My Life Is Not Set Up In The Right Way

I am a digital nomad with no fixed address, I don’t stay in one place for longer than a few months and I have no plans to slow this lifestyle down. I wouldn’t be able to bring a child into my life, it wouldn’t be fair on them and I struggle to see how I could make this work. Your life might simply not be set up to bring a child into it. Perhaps you work crazy long hours, travel a lot for work or for pleasure or don’t want to settle in one particular location.

9. I Don't Want Kids Because I Want To Focus On My Career

You can have both kids and a career, I have seen many people do that. But I have also seen many people sacrifice their career to have children. Or at least take a break from their career. You may not want to, your profession could be on an upwards trajectory and you can’t see how a baby fits into the future or distracting you from your goals. You have to do what makes you happy and what feels right for you.

10. I Don't Want Kids Because I Don't Want To Put A Strain On My Relationship

Having a baby is meant to bring you closer as a couple and complete you as a family. Yet having children can actually cause relationships to breakdown from the stress and pressure it can put you both under, and I have seen it first hand. Of course there are plenty of couples that happily stay together and have a baby so we know it’s possible, but to you it might not be worth the risk of losing your partner.

If you feel like ‘something’ is missing from your relationship, it’s probably not a baby and this is never a good reason to have a child with someone. Your relationship should already be complete with or without children.

11. I Don't Want Kids Because I Suffer With Mental Health Problems

Anyone will tell you that having kids is HARD. It’s mentally and physically draining and comes with a lot of highs and lows. If you’re already not in the best place mentally and can’t see that changing for the foreseeable future, why would you want to add a child into the mix? It’s not totally impossible and people do muddle through, but taking care of only ourselves can be hard enough these days.

12. I Don't Want Kids Because I Like Peace And Quiet On A Plane

Okay this is kind of a joke. But come on, we’ve all been on a plane when there’s a screaming child and we couldn’t think of anything worse than being the parents in that moment.

I am sure there are even more reasons to not wanting to have children that I haven’t mentioned, and if you have one in mind that isn’t listed, please post it in the comments below. The whole purpose of this blog is to support women, like myself, in our 30s that don’t feel like we fit in with the society ‘norm’. We shouldn’t have to question if it’s normal to not want kids and we definitely shouldn’t have to justify ourselves.

If in fact you’re not totally sure if you do or don’t want kids, I wrote a post on Should I Freeze My Eggs If I Don’t Want Children? Which is another option you can always consider if you are on the fence but want to keep your options open.

Having children is a huge, life changing decision and not one that should be taken lightly. If it’s not what you want, that is absolutely fine and completely normal. So in answer to my question; Is it normal to not want kids? Yes! It’s 100% completely okay and normal to not want kids.

Amber x

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