In a world where romantic relationships take centre stage in our lives, our friend groups and in the media, the question lingers ‘is it ok to be single?’. And of course, the answer is a resounding
‘YES!’. Although, it may not always feel that way. But rest assured, being single is not a condition that needs to be cured; it is a valid, fulfilling and complete way to experience life.
Today we will acknowledge that society paints single-hood in a bad light and that can have a negative impact on our own view. We highlight the many reasons why it is ok to be single as well as sharing some real life examples of successful and seemingly happy people who are single in their 30s, 40s and beyond.
We also discuss some tips for navigating single life to help overcome challenges and embrace the true empowerment that goes with being single (and hopefully you will see it is ok to be single).
Ignore Society
Firstly, it is normal to question ‘is it ok to be single?’ so please know you are not alone. Many of us can feel as though there is something wrong with us if we are single, especially if we are in our 30s, 40s or beyond.
But there is nothing wrong with you! It is society who tells us that we should have found ‘the one’ by now. And I have noticed that women have a harder time with this than guys.
The media portray single men as ‘eligible’ and ‘attractive’ where as single women are portrayed as being ‘left on the shelf’ or ‘haven’t found love yet’ as if it the main goal. Don’t believe me? Take these articles ‘15 Female Celebs Who Are Surprisingly Still Single in 2020‘ or ‘20 Female Celebs in their 30s Who Are Single And Available‘.
‘Surprisingly still single’ and ‘single and available’ suggest to me that these women aren’t single by choice. It really does sound like some disease that we desperately need to cure.
For single men though, they are congratulated and celebrated for being single. Their single status makes them more desirable, not less. Just look at these articles ‘Hollywood’s 40 Hottest Unmarried Guys’, ‘Top 20 Hottest Men Over 40’, ‘Top 10 Sexiest Male Celebrities Over 40’, bearing in mind these are the results from searching “Single Male Celebrities over 40”. The sexy, attractive, hot narrative is automatic and immediate.
The point is, yes society today and the media do paint single ladies in their 30s or 40s as somewhat desperate and sad. But that does not mean it is true so don’t believe the hype. It just means we have more to deal with than our male counterparts but hey, whats new?!
So, Is it really ok to be single?
Before we go any further, ask yourself why you care that you are single. Are you are feeling a little insecure right now because you are still single and a lot of your friends are in relationships? Or maybe you are at that age where your parents and relatives are constantly asking you ‘have you met anyone nice yet?’ or offer to set you up!
Or it could be that you are getting invited to a lot of events with a plus one. And you don’t have a plus one which makes things difficult. Despite all of that, it is still ok to be single (and often a good thing) and here is why;
Singleness vs. Loneliness
Sometimes people confuse being single and being lonely. You can be single without being lonely. It is not nice for anyone to feel lonely so if that is how you are feeling, sorry to hear that! However, the good news is, it has nothing to do with being single and you can overcome loneliness without jumping into a relationship. It’s all about balancing independence and deep personal connections. Here are some suggestions:
- Join a club or start a new hobby
- Reconnect with old friends/invite friends to hang out
- Embrace spending time alone (Warning: you may learn to love it!)
Self Discovery & Development
Rather than looking at being single as a negative thing, it is actually an opportunity to focus on yourself. I know it sounds cheesy but it is rare that any of us have time dedicated to just us. We all work way too much, waste too much time scrolling social media, commuting and pleasing others. There really is not much time left for just us and that is before you add a partner into the mix.
Being single is the perfect time to focus on self-discovery. Get to know yourself better, your likes, dislikes, interests. And the best part is, doing this will only make you a more interesting and well rounded person who will be more ready when the right relationship comes along.
Embrace Being Selfish
It is ok to be single because it gives you time to be selfish. This is similar to self discovery except it is not quite as beneficial to your self development. It is more fun and self indulgent.
When you are single it is ok to sleep late, to go out at 2pm for ‘an hour’ with the girls and not get home until 5am. You have no one to answer to. It is ok to spend 3 hours at the gym. Or get lost in your favourite book for hours. Or lose track of time window shopping.
No matter what happens, you won’t always have the luxury of being selfish. And we all need it and deserve it from time to time. Embrace being selfish whilst you can!
Single ≠ Sad
We understand, when you are single (and looking for love) it feels as if everyone around you is happily in love and you are the only one in single town. But we can live a whole & happy life single. Single ≠ sad.
Teri Hatcher ( Susan from Desperate Housewives) who has been single for 20 years, recently said “There is a difference between being lonely and being alone..I have been single for a very long time but there is nothing lonely about my life. I want to remove the stigma of that.” And so do we Teri! It might be Miley Cyrus who put it best when she recently said:
“Man. Being single sucks. All I ever do is WHATEVER THE F*CK I WANT!”
It is ok to be single at any age and as outlined above, there are plenty of reasons to embrace being single. However, being single in your 30s or 40s does not mean you will be single forever. Cameron Diaz, George Clooney, Ellen Degeneres and Amy Adams to mention just a few Celebrities Who Found Love Later In Life, all married their significant others in their 40s.
Tips For Navigating Single Life In Your 30s
I know, being single is not fun when you don’t want to be. So we are sharing some tips on how to navigate single life in your 30s:
- Treat yourself every couple of weeks – take yourself on a date, splash out and embrace your independence. If this sounds scary check out our recent post How To Embrace Spending Time Alone – Where to start
- Find another single friend (same sex or opposite) and agree to be each other’s plus ones to those awful events – knowing you have a date will make you feel so much better
- See the world – don’t wait to live until you meet someone. You are single not dead! Get busy living your life and seeing the world – it’s scary at first but then amazing. Book that solo trip!
- Sign Up for something new – start volunteering, join a meet-up group or enroll in a new part time course. Your single years are the BEST opportunity to focus on yourself. You won’t always have this free time so use it while you can to experience more of life.
- Make Plans With Your Friends – be the one to instigate the plan. Yes, friends in relationships or with young families are busy and can hang out less. However, you might find that they too would love a catch up with friends every now and then. So put yourself out there, be the one to make a plan and see what happens.
Conclusion
Being single is a valid and fulfilling way to live your life, just as being in a romantic relationship is. One is not better than the other, they are simply different. It is ok to be single, just as it is ok to be in a relationship. And being single offers you more opportunity to indulge in your own interests.
In a recent article Who Does Singlehood Best in Psychology today Professor Bella DePaulo (Ph.D.) outlines single people that are most likely to thrive are people who ‘Use their freedom to live joyful, meaningful, fulfilling, and psychologically rich lives. They pursue their interests and passions and live authentic lives that honour their values and who they really are.’
We hope you realise that it is more than ok to be single, and it is to be embraced. If you have any words of encouragement for your fellow readers, we’d love to hear them in the comments.