Is it weird to be single at 34? In a word, no. My friend Mia is one of those people who is an absolutely fantastic catch and yet she has been single most of her life.
Entering her 30s she had never had a boyfriend, not even an innocent high school fling. She is intelligent, attractive and fun. She is an all round catch.
She never worried about being single, instead living her life to the fullest as a single independent lady. Then, at 36, she met her soon to be husband (at a rugby game of all places!).
And Mia’s story is not that uncommon. In fact I have many friends who have entered their 30s as singletons. However there are some stereotypes and stigma out there about being single in our 30s which puts us under pressure to leave single life behind.
During this post, we are going to explore why being single at 34 or in your 30s in general is not weird but does come with pros and cons. We will explore those and offer tips for how to navigate this time of your life.
The Changing Landscape of Relationships
Is it okay to be single in your 30s? Is 33 too old to be single? Why am I still single? These are questions I hear regularly from singletons in their 30s.
40 years ago it was probably unusual for girls to be in their 30s and still single however the landscape for relationships is changing drastically.
Unlike the 1950s/60s, women no longer need men to survive and thrive. These days, we are well educated, have equal rights and can often out-earn our male counterparts.
Previously women needed men to have a good life but we no longer do and in fact many women are choosing to stay single as a result.
Furthermore women don’t have the same pressure to start a family by their mid-30s due to advances in science such as freezing our eggs.
If this is something you are thinking about or want to know more on check our recent post: Should I Freeze My Eggs If I Don’t Want Children?
As a result it is in fact very common for women to be single in their thirties and there is nothing weird about it.
Societal Myths and Stigmas
Traditionally there have always been some societal myths around older people who are still single. For men, it centres around lacking social skills or having commitment issues.
And for women, being single in our 30s seemed to indicate we were undesirable and ‘left on the shelf’.
It’s almost as though if you were still single by your mid-30s you were destined to be alone forever.
These myths have almost completely died out now and the narrative is shifting toward being single in our 30s is a sign of a strong, independent person who prioritises self love and won’t settle for less. How desirable!
Benefits of Being Single at 34
Like most things in life there are both benefits and challenges associated with being single in our 30s and 40s. Being single in our 30s allows us to prioritise ourselves fully.
We have the opportunity to focus on personal growth and development.
And our 30s are the best time to do this as we have enough life experience and common sense to focus on what we really need.
We also have the opportunity to become more independent.
In our 20s many of us are still somewhat reliant on our parents (at least to ‘fall back on’) and many of our friends are single too so we can usually easily find some room mates.
In our 30s, we can be more financially stable, potentially live alone and become truly comfortable being independent.
The additional time that being single affords us also allows us the freedom to pursue career goals (no one is mad at you for working late again!), new hobbies or interests and even to travel without constraint.
In short we have to consider others less and focus more on ourselves overall. This is not as easy when we are in a committed relationship.
The Challenges
By being single in our 30s although we have a lot of freedom, we also face challenges. Dating is increasingly difficult as it feels like all the good ones are taken.
Maybe dating is difficult at any age but we can grow tired of it as we get older.
Also there are a lot more family & friend events where it is assumed that you will bring your other half.
And when you don’t have that person, weddings, parties and even family BBQs can feel awkward and uncomfortable as you are surrounded by couples, you may start to think ‘how am I the last single one of my friend group?’.
Although it is more and more acceptable to be single in our 30s, there are still some societal pressures, particularly from older or more traditional people.
Mothers and Grandmothers will often comment on ‘finding someone’ or ‘settling down’ and may even try to set you up.
Also if you are someone who wants to start a family you may feel the pressure of your biological clock ticking.
We can do things to overcome these challenges. Bring a friend to plus one events (same sex or opposite sex) as you are not really missing a relationship, you are simply missing having a partner to attend events.
Be prepared for the social commentary and simply shut down the conversation and move on. In terms of family planning, as previously mentioned there are options available to buy us more time.
The Different Paths to Happiness
(Credit: Photo by Andrew Gombert)
The most important thing to remember is that being in a relationship is not a guaranteed ticket to a lifetime of happiness. And being single does not mean you will die lonely.
There are pros and cons to both. And very often there are multiple different paths to happiness. Many people live happy and fulfilled lives in their 20s and actually find love a little later.
Take Jessie Itzler and Sara Blakely (founder of Spanx).
They met and married in their late 30s, living successful and fulfilled independent lives before hand. And now they are happily married with children.
Conclusion
So is it weird to be single at 34? No. Is it too late to find love in your 30s or 40s? No.
Is it bad to be single forever? No.
Each of us will carve out our own journey and things will happen at their own pace.
The most important thing is to remember that can live a very happy and fulfilling life without a relationship.
And if/when the time comes for you to meet someone, that is the perfect time to meet them.
Panicking about your age and the social pressure to find the one, will not help you to find love but it may encourage you to settle for less than you deserve. Don’t let that happen!
Do you have experience in this area? Have you experienced being single in your 30s or 40s or beyond?
We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments.
