If you’ve found yourself here, the chances are you have experienced a friend’s boyfriend trying to kiss you or hitting on you. I feel for you, because I went through this myself. It’s not easy and the worst part is it’s not even your fault but now it’s your problem.
Firstly, let’s acknowledge the fact that you are not to blame and the man involved is awful and he should never have put you or your friend in this position. But it’s happened and all you can do now is deal with it. Easier said than done.
My Friend's Boyfriend Hit On Me
It’s good for you to hear my experience, to know what I went through and how I dealt with it. To help you realise that firstly, you are not alone and secondly, there’s no ‘right’ way of dealing with your friend’s boyfriend trying to kiss you. I’ve never actually told anyone this story let alone made it public, so here goes nothing.
I took a 10 day trip to America to visit my friend, she had just moved there to be with her long term boyfriend after they had been doing long distance. My friend was newly engaged and upon my arrival to America, she told me she was pregnant. Yes you read that correctly, my friend was engaged and pregnant.
This was the first time I was meeting her fiancé so I had no prior judgement of him. For the sake of this post we’ll call him Fin.
During my trip I never sensed that Fin liked me or was interested. One night I went out with Fin and his cousins, but my friend stayed at home because she was suffering with her pregnancy. It started out fun with lots of drinking and good food. By the end of the night everyone else had left and it was just me and Fin bar hopping. Whilst walking back to Fin’s apartment he grabbed me, lifting me up and attempted to kiss me. Whilst putting his hands all over me, feeling me up. Anger and confusion surged through my body, I pushed him off and told him to get away from me.
Why did he attempt to cheat on his pregnant fiancé with me? I’m not even sure he liked me. Perhaps he was an opportunist and saw me as an easy target that might satisfy his animalistic needs in that moment, combined with alcohol. Though nothing excuses his behaviour.
What Happened Next...
You might be shocked by what I am about to say, but I decided not to tell my friend. Whether you think this was the right thing or the wrong thing to do, you will never know until you are in my exact situation.
My friend had moved across the world to be with her finance with no support system around her and she was going to have his baby whether I told her or not. I didn’t want to make her life any more difficult over what I was desperately hoping was a once off mistake on his part that would never happen again.
The next morning after the incident, I spoke to Fin about what happened. This was my way of dealing with the situation for my friend. Explaining to him that my friend deserves better and I hope that was an isolated incident. Which of course he assured me it was and apologised.
There is not much more to the story. My friend and her now husband go on to live happily ever after, but I decided to distance myself from the friendship. We don’t stay in touch because I didn’t feel comfortable being friends with her and having a secret. It was a sacrifice I made in the hope that it was the right decision for her. There are no regrets on my part, however I am incredibly sad that I lost a good friend for something that wasn’t my fault.
Why Did My Friend's Boyfriend Try To Kiss Me?
I know you are probably asking yourself, why would your friend’s boyfriend hit on you? Why would he do that to his girlfriend? There are a number of different reasons but unfortunately unless he’s given you an exact answer you might never know. It could be any of the following:
– He has a thing for you and can’t control himself.
– He doesn’t want to be with his girlfriend and is looking for a way out.
– He’s an opportunist.
– He’s just a d*ck.
Whatever the reason, it’s totally unacceptable and there’s no excuse. But I do know how tormenting it can be to keep asking yourself, ‘Why did he do this to me and my friend?‘ And never understand. My advice would be to move past the ‘Why’, as you may never know.
What You Might Be Going Through
There is a range of emotions you will go through after a friend’s boyfriend has tried to kiss you. And it is totally normal for you to feel all of the following and more:
– Guilt (Could I have stopped this? Was this something I unknowingly encouraged?)
– Hurt (Why has my friends boyfriend put me in this situation?)
– Anger (How could he do that to me and my friend!?)
– Confusion (Why would he do this to my friend?)
– Stress (How am I going to deal with this? Should I tell my friend her boyfriend tried to kiss me?)
– Upset (Am I going to lose my friend? I feel bad for my friend)
– Lonely (Who am I going to talk to about this?)
– Worry (Will my friend believe me if I tell her? Will I be accused of something I didn’t do?)
Before you do anything, try to get yourself in the right frame of mind so you can think clearly and work out a plan of what you will do next. Even if that means deciding to do nothing.
How To Deal With A Friend's Boyfriend Trying To Kiss You
The first thing to do is get your feelings off your chest. Tell someone who is not linked to your friend or the boyfriend in any way. A neutral person that will listen and not judge or try to push you in a certain direction. Remember that people will want to give their opinions, but unless they’ve been through it themselves, they can’t know or understand. You don’t have to explain yourself, you just need someone who will listen.
Ultimately, you and your friend want to come out unscathed from this and with a friendship in tact. But that’s not always possible, as per my story. If you decide to tell your friend, this could go a number of ways:
– She might be grateful that you told her and choose to break up with her boyfriend.
– It could cause friction in your friendship choosing to believe him over you (assuming he denies it).
– She could believe you but choose to stay with him and it will probably still be difficult to go back to a normal friendship.
– If they have an open relationship and this is normal, she might not care.
Before you do anything, think about the future. This type of situation has long term impacts, whether you choose to say something or choose to say nothing. Therefore your decision needs to be based partly on the potential future implications to those involved, rather than based on emotions and feelings in the moment.
Should You Talk To The Boyfriend?
Again this comes down to your own unique circumstances. In my case, I absolutely wanted to address what happened for the sake of my friend. If you do decide to reach out, I would approach this with caution as you don’t know how he will react. It might even be worth meeting in a neutral place or having a friend on standby.
Prepare Yourself For The Worst
This is not to fill you with fear, but you need to be prepared for all scenarios.
– To be turned against
– To be called a liar or drama queen
– The person in the wrong
– Prepare to lose your friend even if nothing is said.
Whatever you decide, if it does come to the worst you need to hold your head up knowing you did nothing wrong and this is unfortunately the way the circumstances have played out. It’s shitty and it sucks but the quicker you pick yourself up and move on, the better. You can’t control how other people think, act or what they believe.
You are probably here looking for a specific answer; yes you should definitely tell your friend her boyfriend tried to kiss you. Or, no if nothing actually happened there’s no point telling. But as you have been reading, it’s not that easy and no one can make the decision for you. In conclusion:
– Know that it is not your fault and don’t be hard on yourself
– Let go of trying to understand WHY they did it
– It’s okay to feel however you are feeling and ideally talk to someone about it
– Consider all your options from a non-emotional perspective
– Think about the future of everyone involved that could be affected
– Realise there is no right or wrong answer to this
Whilst my post may not have given you the answer you were looking for, I hope you have found some comfort knowing you are not alone and I hope it has given you some guidance on how to move forward from a friend’s boyfriend trying to kiss you.
This thought-provoking article is written by the girlfriend of the badly behaved boyfriend, and it was interesting to understand from this perspective too.
Amber x