If you are single at 34 and wondering if it’s time to settle in a relationship I’m here to tell you that it’s not.
Our 30s can be daunting; it takes us from an age of experimenting, making mistakes, having a good time and in general we FEEL like we can mess up. And it doesn’t matter, because we are young and we have time to rectify our mistakes. I don’t know why but 30 hits us hard. Like if you haven’t got all your ducks in a row, what are you even doing with your life?
By your 30s, society tells us we need to have a mortgage, a career, a long term partner, with a ring on it or at least one on the horizon. And kids of course. So if you haven’t hit all these points when you’re approaching mid-30s it can send you into panic mode.
Especially when it comes to relationships. Your summers are spent going to everyone else’s weddings and your winters are spent feeling like the 7th wheel at the bar. This can make you question if maybe you should just find someone nice and settle down to fill the void. BUT It’s not time to settle in a relationship and here’s why.
Why You Shouldn't Settle In A Relationship At 34
You've Still Got Time!
If you live to 85 years old, you still have 51 years of your life left. That is a long time to be in a relationship that you settled for.
But it’s also a long time to find someone you truly want to be with forever. You’ve still got time. If you find the love of your life at 44, you will feel so grateful that you DIDN’T settle for Tom, Dick or Harry at 34.
You Deserve More
You are a queen. And you deserve to be with someone that you haven’t settled on just because you’re 34 and panicking.
You deserve true love and pure happiness, no doubts and no uncertain feelings. It’s what everyone else has or is striving for, so why not you? You’re the only person that has to live your life, so live it the way you want to.
You're Probably Going To Have Regrets
Settling often means you are compromising on something. Compromising in a relationship is of course, a must, but compromising with ourselves and our feelings is risky business.
Are you always going to feel like something is missing? People are annoying. But when you truly love someone it’s easier to forgive them and even learn to love their quirky annoying habits.
But when you settle in a relationship, it can be difficult to accept the whole person. You could end up regretting your relationship and wasting years of your life.
There's No Happiness Guarantee
Being in a relationship does not guarantee happiness, despite what Disney has told us since we were 2.
Relationships are hard enough when you don’t feel like you have settled on someone. But as someone who has settled previously, it makes the relationship a lot harder.
You can even become resentful towards them because you never really loved them in the first place. Settling is not the start of a healthy, happy relationship.
Things Could Get Messy
You’re done with being single at 34. So you make the decision to find someone who closely fits the bill of a long term partner. It might not be head-over-heels crazy in love but you have a good time with them, they make you happy and you decide you’re going to settle with this one.
But what comes next? A mortgage, joint finances, maybe even children. When life gets serious, and the pressure is on. That is when the cracks start to show and things could get messy, especially when money is involved and potentially children.
Don’t put yourself or anyone else in this position because you don’t want to be single anymore.
Is It Fair On The Other Person?
Are you really going to tell someone that you’ve settled with them because you don’t want to be alone? Would you want someone to feel that way about you and do the same?
Unless it’s a mutual understanding and agreement, this mindset isn’t fair on the other person. They deserve to find deep, meaningful love the same way you deserve to too!
It’s actually quite selfish to ‘settle’ on someone just because you’re panicking about being single at 34. Maybe they would rather be alone, than be with someone who just settled for them.
Being Single Is Actually Awesome!
Life is what you make it. So if you are single because you haven’t found anyone you WANT to settle down with for the rest of your life at 34, then you should embrace being single at 34.
There really is nothing wrong with being single in your 30s. I bet if one of your friends or siblings suddenly became single in their 30s, you wouldn’t think anything was wrong with them.
Sometimes it’s just the way life pans out. It’s completely normal to be single in your 30s and you should own it!
And in case you have forgotten, tet me remind you why being single is so awesome!
- No compromise, no drama, no BS
- You get to work on yourself instead of constantly working on a relationship
- You can do whatever you want. Whenever you want
- More time to nourish other relationships with your friends and family
- You can date as many people as you want
- Getting comfortable with being on your own is badass (not many people are!)
- You don't have to spend time with someone else's friends you don't actually like
- No ex-girlfriend or baggage to deal with
Now What?
So yes, being single is great. BUT I appreciate that’s not why you’re here. You do actually want to find love and a meaningful relationship. But before you ‘settle’ for just anyone, take a look at Relationship Coach Jordan Gray’s expert advice on WHY you’re still single and what to do about it. Because any relationship you have, starts with you.
It can be scary being single in our 30s, but it’s only scary because society tells us that it is. If the pressure of marriage and settling down didn’t exist, there would be nothing to be afraid of. Imagine a world where flying solo was the norm! This is why you need to say ‘Screw you!’ to society and cheers to being happy and single, even at 34!
Amber