It’s scary right? When you suddenly become single at 34… or really at any point in your 30s. Whether it was your decision or not. Being on your own after sharing your life with someone is totally daunting and one of the reasons many people stay in a relationship that is not right.
No one goes into a relationship thinking they will come out the other side single. And with the expectations put on us by society, sometimes it can be hard to accept that you’re back where you started with nothing to show for it.
But I’m not here to be all doom and gloom. Single life is what you make of it. Once you’re ready to embrace being single, here is what you can expect.
A Shift In Friendship Groups
You probably had your exclusive couple friends. The ones you went to the romantic Italian in the city with for double dates on a Tuesday and all-inclusive, adult only holidays. Well if it’s not obvious already, there is a big change.
You might remain friends with one half of the couples and still hang out occasionally, but it will be different.
But remember all those single friends you have? They become your support system. They will be your going-out friends, your ‘able to hang out at the drop of a hat’ type of friends. Because couples always have plans, seeing the in-laws or looking at new kitchens.
So you will find yourself leaning on your 34 year old single friends, because they understand and because they are available.
And single women are like magnets, if you haven’t got any single friends yet, don’t stress, you will find each other! You can also read post, How To Easily Make Friends In Your 30s.
A Shift In How You Date
Dating in our 20s vs dating in our 30s is VERY different. When you’re 34 there’s a sense of urgency when it comes to finding a partner. You also have a decade of dating and relationships under your belt and come armed with the knowledge of who your next partner should be.
Although you may have all the knowledge and resources, the dating scene has probably changed. I won’t lie, it’s harder to meet people IRL in your 30s. 10 years ago you would go to a bar with friends and get picked up or vice versa. Do you even go to bars anymore?
You have a couple of options in your 30s. The dating apps are a no-brainer but I know people get sick of them very quickly if you’re presented with loser after loser, so picking the right dating app is key.
I have successfully used Bumble and I know plenty of people that use Hinge. If you have any other dating app suggestions, please share them in the comments.
A Shift In How You Spend Your Time
When you suddenly become single, you can find yourself with a lot more time on your hands. Which is a good thing- trust me!
Many people worry about being alone and that’s normal. So you need to fill your time with lots of lovely things that you find enjoyable. AND get comfortable with spending time by yourself and even doing things solo.
You may also find yourself saying ‘Yes’ to more things. Before you couldn’t take a random trip across the country for a weekend because you had prior commitments with your other half. But now your time is yours do what you wish.
One of my favourite things from when I was single was being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted, without a thought for someone else.
You’ll also have more time on your hands to nourish your other relationships with your friends and family (some of which may have even been neglected when you were in a relationship). So pick up the phone!
A Shift In You
When a big change happens in our life, like suddenly becoming single at 34, it can force us to reevaluate everything.
If you can embrace this opportunity as a fresh start, you might start to realise that you can make (and survive) those big changes you were one scared of. Like finally leaving the job that you’ve been hating on to start a business. Or finally moving to that city you’ve always wanted to where you don’t know anyone.
Overcoming a break up can breath new life in to us, make us think and feel differently. Things that were important to you as a couple may no longer be important to ‘Single’ you.
And so it’s a chance to take a step back and ask yourself ‘what do I want from my life and what is next for me?’. That is SO exciting! And not an opportunity that comes along very often.
In Conclusion: A Shift
The journey after suddenly becoming single at 34 does not need to be filled with fear and ‘what do I do now?’. The only thing you can do is be open to this new chapter and the opportunities that come with it.
Your life is not over, really this is just the beginning of a new life, with the chance to pave your own path. So own it, because no one else is going to.
Amber