Have you ever really wanted to do something but none of your friends would go with you, so you missed it? I have. And then I realised being comfortable spending time alone is the ultimate flex. We can do whatever we want. And we never have to miss out again. But there are so many other benefits. On my pursuit to embracing being alone I read Solitude By Michael Harris. And it inspired me even more. So if you are in this mind frame I’d highly recommend it. Maybe you already know you want to spend time alone but you don’t know how to get comfortable, in which case you might like “How To Embrace Spending Time Alone – Where To Start”
Spending Time Alone
Spending time alone can mean anything you want. It might simply mean heading to your favourite restaurant to grab dinner, alone. Or it could mean going to see your favourite band, alone. But it could also mean travelling solo around the world. Does the thought of any of these things make you feel uncomfortable?
You are not alone. Many of us, either consciously or subconsciously are not comfortable spending time alone. At all. There is a stigma around doing things alone. It seems to be fairly acceptable to spend time alone at home, behind closed doors. But people have a real issue with doing things alone, in public, for the world to see. Why?
This feels like the perfect time to remind ourselves Don’t Worry | Nobody Gives A F*ck About You. Seriously, read the article and you’ll see what we mean. Anyway, we don’t need other people to do the things that we want to do. Being afraid to do things alone is very limiting. I’ve been actively embracing spending time alone more in the past few years. Here are just some of the things that made me realise being comfortable spending time alone is the ultimate flex.
#1We Get To Do What We Want
Obvious yet simple. Waiting for other people do what we want sometimes means we don’t get to do it. If you want to see a band, try a restaurant, visit a new city or anything else that you can think of, do it with or without others. The only caveat here is that we need to make sure that we are safe. Sometimes doing things with others is safer but there are ways around that too. For example book a group trip with a reputable agency. You don’t need to know the people yet you are not alone and unsafe.
#2 We Can Experience Life Fully
Our lives are ours to live. We are the only ones who will have to quietly contemplate whether or not we have regrets when we are at the end of this journey. By being brave and comfortable enough to spend time alone, we are giving ourselves the opportunity to experience life fully. We are living life on our terms. Yes, we want others to be along on our journey. We want them but we don’t need them. We can experience life fully. And those who join us on our journey, well that is a beautiful bonus.
#3 We Don't Wait To Live
None of us have the luxury of time unfortunately. Life is happening now. We cannot afford to wait to live. Too often, we wait for other people. Perhaps we wait until we meet the love of our lives to take that trip of a life time. Or we wait until our friends are available to check out a new local bar. When we are comfortable spending time alone, we don’t wait to live. And the best part is, we may meet people whilst we are living and doing the things we want.
#4 Meet Like Minded People
The irony of being comfortable spending time alone, is that it often means we end up meeting like minded people. And often these people end up being the love of our life, our closest friends and even our family. Being comfortable to spend time alone means you will be out there, in places, doing things for the love of them. And you will find others who are willing to do the same. These are your people. You will find your tribe, what better reason to embrace spending time alone.
#5 It's Incredibly Empowering
Spending time alone in public is scary, no doubt about it. I fully believe in the concept and I still find it hard. But my oh my, when I do it, I feel so empowered. I feel like I’ve really achieved something when in reality I’ve just had dinner alone. But doing hard things for ourselves, helps us to develop confidence. Showing up for ourselves builds self respect and a resilience that is key to life. It is incredibly empowering to be comfortable spending time alone.
#6 It Starts To Feel Like A Superpower
The first few times spending time alone is hard. More than the first few times in fact. But as we do it we start to develop more confidence, we grow as people and a feeling that we can do anything comes over us. Honestly we start to enjoy it more than anything else and realise that we can live a fully and happy life ourselves. We don’t NEED anyone else so the people we choose are high quality people who we really value. And that in turn means we value the time we spend with others a lot. But we also value the time we get to spend alone.
Disclaimer
It is not easy, it feels uncomfortable and is a constantly ongoing process. Right now, many of us will probably be comfortable doing certain things alone. And then absolutely not doing other things alone. Then we get to a stage where we are comfortable to endure being alone. This is progress however we are not there yet. We don’t want to simply endure it, instead we want to embrace it. When we get to the point that we actually enjoy and value time spent alone, we know we are going to be able to reap the benefits outlined above.
It feels uncomfortable at first and it takes time to get used to it. Also, different activities have different levels of comfort. I like to think of them as levels. So it helps to start with something easy like going for a coffee alone. And then elevate to going to a concert alone for example. For more check out: “How To Embrace Spending Time Alone – Where To Start”. The point is not that you have to go alone, but that you can. Does anyone else agree that being comfortable being alone is the ultimate flex or am I crazy? Let us know in the comments. And give us some suggestions for activities that are fun to do alone!
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