I know what you’re thinking; how selfish. Which is exactly what my boyfriend said when I told him about this post, but hear me out, you might even relate.
I cried when one of my best friends told me her pregnancy news, and they weren’t happy tears. Of course I felt awful for crying about something that isn’t anything to do with me and yes I SHOULD have just been happy for her. Honestly, this emotion came out of nowhere, I surprised myself. The reason; I felt left behind, like she was starting a new journey that I couldn’t be part of or understand.
I have also felt disappointment when a friend told me she was pregnant. We had just gone on holiday together, I mean like we met at the airport and she dropped the bombshell. Now this type of friend was my ‘party’ friend. I knew it would change the dynamics of our holiday and it did. I still had a nice time, but it wasn’t the time I had planned in my head. Put yourself in my shoes, you’ve booked a boozy week in Ibiza and your friend decides to go sober.
So, if you do find yourself not feeling happy about your friend’s pregnancy, you’re not alone and here’s why.
Pregnancy Changes Friendships
Someone call a hearse and book the chapel because you will be mourning the friendship you once had. Okay that’s dramatic, but as the non-pregnant friend many, many, MANY times over I know this for a fact; your friendship will change. No more last minute weekend trips, no more crazy drunken nights. Instead you can expect some cancellations, lateness and a schedule that revolves around a baby.
For this reason you are perfectly entitled to feel sad about losing the friendship you once had. But it’s not all bad news, your friendship will blossom in a different way and their child will become an extension of your relationship. You also have all the memories, and the baby-free nights out together become even more special.
Check out this list of 26 Fun & Creative Things To Do While Pregnant, that you could do with your pregnant friend for some bonding time before the bubba arrives.
You're At A Different Lifestage
It’s hard to comprehend such a life changing moment when you are nowhere near the same life stage or have any intention of ever joining that life stage. This is where I struggle, I don’t want children for various reasons, so it’s difficult for me to understand why someone else does want children.
I also don’t ask people to be happy for me making a decision NOT to have children and trust me, there are plenty of people who are NOT happy about my choice and make it known. Yet when your friend becomes pregnant there’s an expectation to be overjoyed for them.
It’s important to remember that you can’t always understand the choices other people make and likewise they can’t understand yours. But you can learn to navigate these life choices together through the ups and downs.
You Want To Be At The Same Life Stage But You're Not
This is something that I can’t relate to but I have seen a friend go through it. You’ve been trying for a baby, or you’ve been pregnant and unfortunately lost the baby, then your friend becomes pregnant. I can’t begin to imagine how incredibly hard that would be to deal with and expect to be happy for someone else. Especially when you are dealing with your own loss.
Your World's Have Become Very Different
The older I get the more friends I have with children. That’s to be expected, but it doesn’t make it any easier when all your friends get together and talk about how sore their cracked nipples are from breastfeeding or how swollen their feet are from pregnancy. It’s hard to relate if you don’t understand and it’s even harder to join in when you have no experience. I would genuinely find myself talking about my sister’s pregnancy just so I could contribute to the conversation.
As with any relationship it’s give and take. Let them be heard and share the details of their new life and then find a moment to steer the conversation to what’s happening in your world too.
You Don't Like Their Partner
This is always a tricky one as you might be happy that your friend is pregnant but not neccessarily happy about who the Dad is. Unfortunately there is not much that you can do in this situation but be there for your friend and the baby.
You might have got to the end of this and thought; she still sounds selfish. Which I can’t deny and this was hard for me to admit and write about. But I also think it’s important to highlight that we are all just human and it’s not black and white. You can be happy for someone else and also be sad for yourself. What I’m trying to say is, if you’re not happy that your friend is pregnant, don’t feel bad about it.
Amber x
P.s Need a gift for your pregnant friend? Check out our post 8 Unconventional Gift Ideas For Women In Their 30s (and they don’t involve alcohol!).
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