Being told you are ‘too sensitive’ is almost always used as a negative phrase and it’s something I have often been told throughout my thirty something years. Even if it’s meant as constructive feedback, how can someone not take that personally?
‘You need to toughen up’, ‘You need thicker skin’, ‘Why do you let it affect you?’. Sensitivity is a personality trait, and it runs deep in my DNA. Telling someone to ‘toughen up’, is like asking someone to change their sense of humour. At the end of the day, some people will get their jokes and some people won’t, but you don’t expect someone to change it, it’s just who they are.
There’s a horrible stigma attached to being ‘too sensitive’ and we need to address it.
What Is The Definition Of Sensitivity?
According to Your Dictionary, sensitivity can be defined in the following ways;
Sensitivity is the quality of being tender, easily irritated or sympathetic.
An example of sensitivity is a person who gets upset very easily.
An example of sensitivity is how a friend treats another who’s going through a tough time.
These are completely conflicting, on the one hand a sensitive person is tender and on the other hand they are easily irritated. Should we be sensitive and care about someone else’s feelings or should we not get upset easily? It’s hard to have one without the other.
What Is It Like To Be A Sensitive Person?
I cry as hard and as often as I laugh, and I laugh A LOT. My emotions are a rollercoaster, and how I feel day to day can easily be influenced by my surroundings and other people. You’ve heard the saying; ‘Know your audience‘, trust me I’ve analysed them twice since we got here. I am highly tuned into other people, people I don’t even know. Sounds exhausting right? It is.
My relationships come with challenges too. I hold a lot of guilt if I think I may have said something that could have upset someone. My brain won’t settle until a conflict is resolved, they say ‘don’t go to bed in a fight’. Well I can’t go to bed because my too busy analysing every fine detail. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is an understatement, it’s plastered all over my face and follows me around like a shadow.
For me I can recognise that my hormones also have a big part to play in my emotions, and if this is you, have a read of How I Stopped My Hormones Taking Control.
Spiralling thoughts and buckets of self doubt all come with the sensitivity territory. But on the flip side, being an emotional person makes me fall hard in love, relish every moment, enjoying them to their fullest, and build deep and meaningful relationships. I love people and I’m passionate about life. You could say being sensitive isn’t all that bad.
Society Doesn't Get Us
Sensitive people spend their life trying to suppress their sensitive side because that’s what society tells us to do:
– Showing too much emotion in a relationship isn’t cool, or is deemed too needy, and seen as a weakness.
– Being told to ‘Leave your emotions at home because you’re here to work’. But how can we when we’re passionate about what we do?
– Always having to say ‘I’m easy, I don’t mind.‘ so we come across as a more laidback person and to avoid conflict.
– Having people close to us say; ‘I can’t talk to you when you’re like this‘, during an emotionally charged conversation.
It’s tiring being constantly tuned into our emotions, yet trying to extinguish them at the same time AND forever questioning the why; ‘Why am I so sensitive?”.
Us sensitive souls are labelled as dramatic, hard work or high maintenance. When all we want is for everyone to be happy and be more understood.
I once took an online ‘Am I too sensitive’ quiz. Though I am not sure why because I passed with flying colours, as expected. So is there something wrong with my personality like the world keeps telling me?
Sensitivity Is A Superpower
There are so many benefits and positives to being a highly sensitive person, it’s how we use them.
– You care deeply about the people around you and want to ensure everyone is okay.
– You can pick up on situations when something isn’t right and look to resolve it in the most peaceful, thoughtful way.
– People will often seek you out for advice or when they are in need of a friend.
– The World needs more people that give a shit. People that care about others, about the planet, about animals, about their work.
– Empathy is a skill that not everyone has or can master, you will own this.
– Passion is a highly sort after trait for businesses and can’t be faked, at least not for an extended period. And who doesn’t love to live passionately?
As with anything in life, there is always a balance. We absolutely should be our authentic sensitive self, but we need to keep our emotions in check and not let them get the better of us. Easier said than done. That is something that comes with practice and I’m still practicing.
Most importantly, you should never be ashamed or embarrassed of who you are. Embrace your sensitive soul and use it for good.
Amber x
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