Family dynamics and relationships can be tricky. With so many of you sharing the same personality genes in one space, sometimes this can become too much. Our siblings are often the first friends we have, our first understanding of love and the first people we fall out with.
It’s not unusual to argue with your brother or sister, even in your thirties. In fact you’re more likely to fall out over something more serious as an adult. Compared to yelling at your sister because she stole your favourite Abercrombie top and stretched it. Yes, that’s a real life example. And I wish my sibling arguments were as trivial now as they were back then.
If you’ve read my post, How I Embraced Being The Black Sheep Of The Family, you’ll know me and my sister have differences of opinions on most things and vastly different lifestyles. But despite all that, we do get on very well and we’re close. My brother on the other hand, well I checked my Whatsapp to see when we last messaged; it was over 3 months ago and consisted of 4 messages in total about my car. This got me thinking, how can I have a better relationship with my brother?
6 months later I have been working hard to bond more with my brother and I’m pleased to say our relationship has improved! We’re not as close as some siblings but it’s a work in progress. Give these simple suggestions a try if you’re also wanting a better relationship with your brother or sister.
1. Communicate
Ugh this seems too obvious and yet we don’t do it. Just communicate. Call, text, send them memes, tag them in Instagram posts, turn up at their house with coffees. You can’t grow any relationship without communication. It may feel strange and stilted at first but you’ll find common ground and your conversations will continue to flourish from there.
2. Persistence
Relationships do take work, don’t give up easily. Your brother or sister may not be putting in the same amount of effort as you, so you will have to be the one to bridge that gap. Once they realise you really are trying to make an effort with them, it will be reciprocated.
3. Get Involved
Your siblings has hobbies and interests right? So the first thing you need to do is find out what they are and then get involved! Tag along with them to the museum, play them at Tennis, help them collect stamps. Whatever it may be, you don’t have to do it every weekend but show an interest. It’s a great bonding experience with your brother or sister.
My brother has a keen interest in marine fish, and I’ve now been to a couple of aquariums with him. Whenever he buys a new fish, he sends me a picture and tells me about it. This is a huge breakthrough for us. All because I showed an interest.
4. Lend A Hand
One way to show you care is by being there for someone. If your sibling is moving house, help them. When they are feeling under the weather, offer to bring them supplies. Do they need taking to the airport, put yourself forward for the job. They will appreciate the support and I am sure the gesture will be reciprocated.
5. Be Their Cheerleader
Whether your sibling has a job interview lined up, a potential promotion at work in the pipeline, they are starting a new business venture or buying their first home. Whatever they have going on their life let them know you support them and you’re there for them. Even if you don’t physically do anything, you can send them a good luck message beforehand their interview and afterwards ask how it went. Being their supporter actually requires little effort.
My brother set up his own business and I would ask to see how the website was coming along and ‘like’ his business instagram posts. Even the smallest of gestures go a long way.
6. Treat All Siblings Equally
I am definitely guilty of favouring my sister over my brother. I can’t help it as we naturally have more in common. But that needed to stop as I knew it was making my brother feel left out. If you are going for coffee with one sibling, be sure to invite all your siblings.
Of course it’s okay if you have certain interests with one sibling that you don’t share with the other. Maybe you and your sister both love Ed Sheeran and therefore you’ll go with them to a concert but you wouldn’t do that with your brother.
Of course you can’t force a relationship with your brother or sister, it has to be a 2 way thing, but I hope my advice will help kick start your journey to having a better bond with them.
If you have any other suggestions, please pop them in the comments below so we can all benefit from them.
Amber x
P.s If you are looking for a funny gift idea for your brother, check out this T-shirt I got! Felt very appropriate for my brother!
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